Tshirt size: Unisex L-XL
But really, Amazon wishlist is way better:
Little Rabbit Foo-FooIt was late in the evening one Thursday night and Little Rabbit Foo-Foo was hopping drunkenly through the forest, doing what he always did whenever he was this drunk--namely, scooping up any fieldmice he could find and bopping them on the head. The fieldmice protested this treatment of course, but in his drunken state he found their high-pitched pleas amusing and they only served to spur him on further.Little Rabbit Foo-Foo by TheSkaBoss
He was only halfway through the forest when the trees suddenly lit up around him, and all the fieldmice took advantage of the distraction to scamper away from him. As he stared in shock and confusion, a round and winged form appeared and waved its finger at him crossly before identifying itself as Merryweather, the Good Fairy. "Little Rabbit Foo-Foo, I don't like your attitude," she said, "scooping up the fieldmice and bopping them on the head. Now I'm gonna give you two more chances to reform, and then I'm gonna turn you in to a ghoul."
Then she waved her magic wand and he found himsel
Princess Moxie and the UsurperIt was a typical day in the Kingdom of New Underbed. The lamp was shining and the roof was open to an angle that some might call obtuse (although they'd be wrong; it was still just about in the region of acute - in fact it only opened to ninety degrees). The princess herself was lounging back upon a bed of towels and scavenged clothing, keeping a close eye on her many subjects. Squeaky the pig stood guard by the entrance, his voicebox torn out as a warning to the world about traitors and what she would do to them. A noseless lion cub watched his back with one and a half eyes (all it had), while a tiger with half a tail and a chunk missing from its ear watched its back. Sammy Spider, the royal fly-catcher, cowered in one corner. He was understandably rather anxious about moving while under her gaze.Princess Moxie and the Usurper by TheSkaBoss
Princess Moxie liked to think of herself as a kind and just Queen (even though she was only a Princess), whom all her subjects loved and adored. Her subjects always backed her up on t
ZebahIt rained on the night my brother disappeared. You might think that's not worth mentioning, but when you live in a desert rainfall is a huge deal. I'd never seen it rain before that night. Course, I don't have all that many years to my name, but my Granddad swears he's never seen it rain other than that night either, and he must be a thousand years old. What he reckons happened is, right, that my brother's disappearance is what caused the rain. Like he was some sort of sacrifice or something. He said it's what we get for naming him Zebah, but I don't know what he means by that.Zebah by TheSkaBoss
I'll ask my Mom later; she's the one who named him. She's busy taking advantage of the rain right now though; we were in dire need of it and she's storing as much as she can. I never knew we had so many containers lying around! She must have been saving them for quite some time.
Richard IncarceratedRichard 'That Weird Kid' Smith* was having a rough time of it. Stuck in his swank and roomy prison cell with its beautiful and luxurious furnishings, he brooded endlessly about all the brooding he wasn't being allowed to do. Day in and day out his jailer kept up a cheerful countenance, regaling him with happy stories, smiles and laughter that Richard returned soured, if at all.Richard Incarcerated by TheSkaBoss
The cheerful monotony continued unbroken for so long that Richard had completely lost track of the days by the time something new happened; a glowing parchment floating down through the air in front of him - seemingly from the Heavens, but if so he had no idea how it had managed to pass through the ceiling. Inspecting the seal, he found it to be one he didn't recognise - a triangle, with a perpendicular line jutting out in the centre of each side, and a crescent moon in the middle. Curious, he opened the scroll.
"Dear Richard Imperator Mortui: You've got mail. If you wish to read it, you must first register for
Long Bet"Oh, you poor, puny Earthling." I shake my head in pity and reach out to it, but of course my mandible just hits the screen and they carry on with their little dramas, blissfully unaware of my ever-watching presence.Long Bet by TheSkaBoss
I've never understood why they broadcast their ship's logs in this way. It surely can't be good for their security. My current leading theory is that it's a show of arrogance; a long display of their wit and bravery designed to both intimidate their enemies and show that they really would prefer peace, if given the option. Broken up into short 'episodes' in such a way as to make for easy digestion of the information.
I admired it, if I'm being truthful. I had fallen in love with this immature, playful species and their shenanigans. So much so that I had followed their signal here all the way from Phryllaryxxkilai, many light years away. I had brought with me many approximations of things I had seen Earthlings using on the screen - my way of showing them that I had read and
CluelessDear Mrs. Sullivan,Clueless by TheSkaBoss
You're probably wondering why your child wasn't invited to my daughter's birthday party, when I invited everybody else in the class. It's nothing personal but--well, I don't want him around my daughter anymore. He's changed a lot in the last few months, and I'd appreciate it if he would keep his distance from us.
I mean, it was bad enough when he was just dressing differently and listening to that awful music (and playing it right outside our house), even when he started mouthing off to my little girl we could handle it (my daughter is not pulchritudinous, whatever the hell that means!), but she came home yesterday with a bruise on her neck! She wouldn't speak to me properly about it, the poor girl was so embarrassed, so I don't entirely know what happened, but from the few words she's managed I gathered it was your boy's fault.
I'm sure you can understand why this means that she doesn't want to see him anymore.
Painting The Town BrownConnor was just walking home, minding his own business, when all of a sudden a great noise enveloped the street he was walking on. It was just one note; deep, resonating, and smelling faintly of sulfur. Connor screwed up his face, covered his nose, then went against all his instincts; he turned into the wind to investigate. Why is it always the good guys who get shit on?, he asked himself. He wasn't expecting an answer, as he'd never replied to his own questions before, so was understandably quite surprised when he got one.Painting The Town Brown by TheSkaBoss
"BECAUSE YOU MAKE IT SO DAMNABLY ENTERTAINING FOR US TO WATCH."
The words boomed out from within the monotonous noise, adding an extra layer to it that nearly knocked Connor off his feet from the added wind and smell. He continued on bravely though in the face of both seismic and psychic forces, once more the butt of a cosmic joke. His mind raced with thoughts - none of which were savoury enough for me to repeat, but all of which he was sure the mysterious bo
Planned Obsolescence"If it tastes good, it's probably bad for you." Claire admonished me, resenting the fact that I was eating a cookie in front of her and loving it, when I knew she was on a diet.Planned Obsolescence by TheSkaBoss
"So?" I asked around a mouthful of delicious freshly baked chocolate chip.
"So cookies are bad for you! You'll get fat." She eyed me up and down. "Fatter, in fact."
I swallowed, and paused in my eating long enough to talk to her properly. "You ever wonder just why it is that everything bad for us tastes so good?"
"No." Claire answered without a moment's hesitation. "It's a simple test of willpower. Darwin's law: the strongest survive."
"That's 'survival of the fittest', not strongest. Surely it would fit more for us to hate the taste of things that are bad for us."
Claire absorbed this for a moment, found no flaws in it, and groped for another answer. I could see the wheels turning in her mind as her mouth lay open, waiting for the words to fill it. She found none.
My Last HikeIt's a beautiful day for hiking; by which I mean that it's a bit cloudy and a bit misty out. Anybody who tells you to go hiking in sunny weather is either immune to sweat or an idiot. I can't stand the heat, and anyway there's something so refreshing about the feel of moisture in the air, and something so inherently beautiful in the refractions and reflections of the dewdrops on the leaves. I pass a spiderweb, and the glittering beauty of it causes me to stop and snap a photo; that one's definitely a keeper.My Last Hike by TheSkaBoss
This is a new trail I'm hiking on today; I only recently moved out here and am trying to familiarise myself with the local terrain - the awesome photos are just an added bonus. This particular trail is an eight-hour trek, all up and down rocky hillsides and through forested areas. I've been walking all day and am probably about two-thirds done. In all that time I've not seen a single other human being, and am taking a lot of pride in my good taste in moving here; I'm not a big fan
MagpieMaggie had only been at her new school for a couple of months when her birthday rolled around again. She groaned as soon as the calendar turned over to November, dreading it already. She'd always hated birthdays. In fact, Maggie hated any day that involved her receiving presents. It's not that she wasn't grateful for the ones she got, or that she wanted more than that. It was just that she was really getting sick of having to pretend to like them, when people invariably got her useless crap that she would never want in a million years. It took a lot of effort and willpower to keep that up for a whole day, and always left her feeling drained by the end of it.Magpie by TheSkaBoss
At least, she thought, her new friends here wouldn't know when her birthday was. If nobody brought it to their attention she might be able to get away with just having to deal with her family. Not that her family weren't bad enough, but you know. No need to make it any worse.
On the day in question, Maggie set her alarm clock for h
Fail Guard DogSo, I wake up the other day, stumble along to the bathroom half-asleep and eyes half-open. Dog follows me, as always, as my moving has woken her up. Stumble down the hall, 'round the corner, down the couple of steps, past the stairs and the cat and...wait, cat? What? We don't have a cat. Open my eyes properly, turn around. There's a big fat ginger cat sitting on the top step of my stairs. Dog stopped a few paces back and is crouching down, sniffing the air and generally looking very confused about the whole thing. Cat glances at it for a second then stares rather non-chalantly at me. I figure (read:hope) I'm dreaming or seeing things, so I go to the loo, stumble all the way back to bed with my eyes still half-closed and get back in. Try to settle down and go back to sleep.Fail Guard Dog by TheSkaBoss
That's when the dog decides to wake me up by leaping on top of me and barking in my face, in an attempt to warn me about the monstrous invader in her home. Obviously, this isn't just a dream, and she won't let
FFM 2-Jim C. RicketThere’s a town up the road a ways. Won’t be there tomorrow. Well, perhaps I should be more precise. The point on the map, the buildings and streets, those will still be intact. But the people, the people will be gone, and can you have a town without people?FFM 2-Jim C. Ricket by TheBrokenBride
You may be wondering how I know this. Maybe I’m from the future. Maybe I’m psychic. Maybe I’m crazy and I think that either of those is true and I’m making things up in an attempt to support my psychoses. Heh. If only.
No, I know that Amabote will just be an empty shell with a map point and no residents tomorrow because I know gods and how they like to overreact. Especially when they’re trying to procreate and there’s a human involved who just isn’t interested.
You’d think that the goddess of passion would have no end of suitors, each of whom would be ecstatic that she wanted him to father a child on her, and this is pretty much true for Brenna. The only problem i
GolemIt waded through the sewers with an unconscious girl slung over its shoulder. The featureless lumpen golem was outclassed by the exquisite terracotta brickwork of the arches above it. Deep red blood stained its sallow clay body from mouth to foot.Golem by joe-wright
Nothing lived in this stretch of the sewers anymore. Even the alligators had migrated elsewhere in fear. The golem was mute, but its feet shook the earth; the water roiled around its knees with each step.
It came to a halt in an area best described as an atrium, where a large grating let in a stream of light and illuminated the water dripping from the ceiling. Passageways extended out in each cardinal direction. Bones littered the floor.
The golem seized the girl's ankle and slung her onto the floor with a splash. It placed a foot on her solar plexus and wrenched an arm; a gristly popping sound echoed in the chamber as it broke off at the joint. The golem began to chew and crunch on it.
"Now!" someone shouted. Black suited men poured in from
FFM 2012, July 2 - Exegesis"And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made." The lecturer quoted, barely glancing at the thick black Bible. "And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made."FFM 2012, July 2 - Exegesis by Wolfrug
His students were still alert and awake they had barely passed Genesis 1 after all. "Obviously, 'rested' here does not mean God was literally tired, for God does not tire. It merely meant he was finished, done, with his work of creating Heaven and Earth, and could now take a moment to consider it the Hebrew word shâbath..."
Unfortunately, the lecturer did not have time to finish. The earthquake swept across the campus, uprooting trees and collapsing some of the smaller buildings outright.
The cracks in the ground grew ever larger, cutting the Holmes Memorial Building in half, before the shocked eyes of the students. And from the cracks streamed
GreyscaleInsanity is never black and white.
You don't just reach a breaking point and crack,
As if your 'sane' switch flipped from white to black
And madness took you over overnight.
It's more a subtle shifting in your sights
And thoughts that run a little off the track.
At first you plow on through, pick up the slack,
At first you know that something isn't right.
Subconsciously you bury it inside,
Put on a happy mask to face the world.
You act like nothing's wrong, you act alright -
Now 'wrong' is your 'alright'; you never lied.
You find your truth distorted, bent and curled;
To you your greyscaled madness shines pure white.
I Am The GhostI am the ghost that walks these halls,
The noises you hear behind the walls,
The swirls and eddies that chill the air,
The squeaks and creaks upon the stairs.
I am the presence that makes your skin crawl.
I come in the night when the darkness falls.
Black is my colour, and black are my calls,
Black are the shadows I always wear.
I am the ghost.
I am the thoughts you don't want to recall,
The ones you recoil from, shocked and appalled.
I am all of your secret fears and despairs,
Every anxious thought, every burden you bear.
I am the you that scrawls all over these walls -
I am the ghost.
YES YOU! RIGHT THERE!
If you're about to leave a comment I KNOW you can see this box! Stop right there and think about what you're doing! If you're about to thank me for something - DON'T.
Don't thank me for a llama, just return the favour.
Don't thank me for a fav or a watch. You're not obligated to return the favour either. But if you really WANT to thank me, I'd much prefer you take the time to read just one thing of mine. You don't have to fave it, you don't have to comment on it, just read it. That's all I ask.
FROM THIS POINT ONWARDS I WILL BE HIDING ALL THANK YOU COMMENTS.