|Tshirt size: Unisex L-XL|
But really, Amazon wishlist is way better:
Princess Moxie and the UsurperIt was a typical day in the Kingdom of New Underbed. The lamp was shining and the roof was open to an angle that some might call obtuse (although they'd be wrong; it was still just about in the region of acute - in fact it only opened to ninety degrees). The princess herself was lounging back upon a bed of towels and scavenged clothing, keeping a close eye on her many subjects. Squeaky the pig stood guard by the entrance, his voicebox torn out as a warning to the world about traitors and what she would do to them. A noseless lion cub watched his back with one and a half eyes (all it had), while a tiger with half a tail and a chunk missing from its ear watched its back. Sammy Spider, the royal fly-catcher, cowered in one corner. He was understandably rather anxious about moving while under her gaze.Princess Moxie and the Usurper by TheSkaBoss
Princess Moxie liked to think of herself as a kind and just Queen (even though she was only a Princess), whom all her subjects loved and adored. Her subjects always backed her up on t
ZebahIt rained on the night my brother disappeared. You might think that's not worth mentioning, but when you live in a desert rainfall is a huge deal. I'd never seen it rain before that night. Course, I don't have all that many years to my name, but my Granddad swears he's never seen it rain other than that night either, and he must be a thousand years old. What he reckons happened is, right, that my brother's disappearance is what caused the rain. Like he was some sort of sacrifice or something. He said it's what we get for naming him Zebah, but I don't know what he means by that.Zebah by TheSkaBoss
I'll ask my Mom later; she's the one who named him. She's busy taking advantage of the rain right now though; we were in dire need of it and she's storing as much as she can. I never knew we had so many containers lying around! She must have been saving them for quite some time.
Richard IncarceratedRichard 'That Weird Kid' Smith* was having a rough time of it. Stuck in his swank and roomy prison cell with its beautiful and luxurious furnishings, he brooded endlessly about all the brooding he wasn't being allowed to do. Day in and day out his jailer kept up a cheerful countenance, regaling him with happy stories, smiles and laughter that Richard returned soured, if at all.Richard Incarcerated by TheSkaBoss
The cheerful monotony continued unbroken for so long that Richard had completely lost track of the days by the time something new happened; a glowing parchment floating down through the air in front of him - seemingly from the Heavens, but if so he had no idea how it had managed to pass through the ceiling. Inspecting the seal, he found it to be one he didn't recognise - a triangle, with a perpendicular line jutting out in the centre of each side, and a crescent moon in the middle. Curious, he opened the scroll.
"Dear Richard Imperator Mortui: You've got mail. If you wish to read it, you must first register for
Long Bet"Oh, you poor, puny Earthling." I shake my head in pity and reach out to it, but of course my mandible just hits the screen and they carry on with their little dramas, blissfully unaware of my ever-watching presence.Long Bet by TheSkaBoss
I've never understood why they broadcast their ship's logs in this way. It surely can't be good for their security. My current leading theory is that it's a show of arrogance; a long display of their wit and bravery designed to both intimidate their enemies and show that they really would prefer peace, if given the option. Broken up into short 'episodes' in such a way as to make for easy digestion of the information.
I admired it, if I'm being truthful. I had fallen in love with this immature, playful species and their shenanigans. So much so that I had followed their signal here all the way from Phryllaryxxkilai, many light years away. I had brought with me many approximations of things I had seen Earthlings using on the screen - my way of showing them that I had read and
CSWW and the Bratwurst ConfusionThe angry mob of villagers was approaching fast, each brandishing an enormous bratwurst like a weapon. Cedric the seriously weedy Wizard was in big trouble. Drawing his own, much smaller, sausage from its sheath where his dagger used to reside, he pointed it in the vague direction of the mob and scrambled backwards onto his horse. His horse, just as weedy and wimpy as he was and very unused to its new role as getaway vehicle, bolted before he could mount it properly. He slid off its back and was deposited in a large mud puddle, just in time for the mob to reach him.CSWW and the Bratwurst Confusion by TheSkaBoss
"Oi!" the big, burly blacksmith in front shouted, "Cedric! You bloody great git of a bleedin' wizard! What the 'eck do ya think you're doing to our tools?!" He thrust the gigantic bratwurst he was holding in Cedric's muddy face.
It smelt of fire, and charred pieces flecked down on top of Cedric. He suspected the blacksmith had been in the middle of forging something when his spell had backfired. "I-I-I-," he stammered, and
FirefighterI'd always known what I was going to be when I grew up. Not everyone has that kind of clarity at such a young age, but I did. I was going to be a firefighter. I knew it the very first time I watched Fireman Sam - he was my hero.Firefighter by TheSkaBoss
I couldn't understand why people laughed at me when I told them of my ambitions. Even my father, who'd always been supportive of me before, patted me patronisingly on the head when I told him. "Yes, yes, and your brother wants to be a ballerina," he chuckled.
I didn't understand that. Ricky certainly did not want to be a ballerina. He wanted to be a masked vigilante. I knew because I'd overheard him talking to his friends the other day, but I didn't say that. There were certain things that you just didn't do, and correcting my father was one of them - I'd learnt that the hard way.
Ricky didn't approve of my ambitions either. I told him that he was the one being unrealistic for wanting to be a masked vigilante which wasn't even a real job; he just
Keeping My HeadWell, my head's over here and my body's over there. This might be a problem.Keeping My Head by TheSkaBoss
I suppose you're wondering how exactly I got into this mess in the first place. Normally, I'd tell you to keep your bloody nose out of it, but as it looks like I'm going to be here a while...I'm'a treat you to the story.
See, it all started two weeks back when my daughter picked up this doll from the traders that were passing through. It weren't any special thing, like, just some ragged old cloth dolly with most of its hair falling out. None of the other kids wanted it, so the traders let it go to her in exchange for a mud pie. She was pleased as punch to think her cooking was worth anything, but me, I thought they just wanted to get rid of the thing - it was creepy as all get-out.
Course, now I know why it felt so creepy to me, I'm wondering why the fuck I let her keep it in the first place. Little word of advice here: never hold onto something you bought with mud.
...Yeah, I know why I let her kee
Eww, BoysEver since Princess Lola was a little girl, she'd railed against the idea of her someday marrying a prince. "Eurgh,, who wants to share a room with a boy?" was a popular refrain of hers, but the more adamant she was about it, the more amused the people around her became. They would listen, chuckle, and shake their heads, but they'd never believe her. Everybody she'd ever met was convinced of the simple fact that she would change her mind about boys when she was older.Eww, Boys by TheSkaBoss
The problem was that she didn't.
On the day of Lola's seventeenth birthday, her mother, Queen Natalia, was a nervous wreck. Politics and wars were things she could handle with ease, but a teenage daughter who didn't get lovesick over the very idea of princes was beyond her comprehension. As a result, she flitted about her only child while the girl was being readied for her grand ball, finding a hundred flaws to comment on and getting in everyone's way, although nobody would ever dream
Self Preservation"The rules of the game are as follows:Self Preservation by TheSkaBoss
Win or lose, you're all in this together.
To ensure your compliance with said rules, we have implanted you all with microchips that monitor your vital signs. If any of your hearts should fail, a signal will be sent to err, shall we say, activate, the rest of your group's microchips." With this, the officer opened his hand up like a blossoming flower and said quietly, "Boom," His accompanying grin was psychotic. "The teensiest little explosion can have an impressive effect on something so fragile as a brain, you know."
I knew that speech off by heart by now, could play it back in my head whenever I wanted to. Or, more precisely, whenever my subconscious wanted me to. Id've forgotten all about it if I could - that was the plan, in fact, get a quick payoff and forget about it - but it's impossible to forget about something when it's changed your world view, your whole way of life.
From that moment on, our lives were connected. Whether w
The Worst FatherHelix was sat in his room, stroking Ada Lovelace and admiring her fluffiness, when the first Crazy Thing happened that day. It wasn't the first time it had ever happened, and he'd learned through trial and error that telling people about the Crazy Things only led to Bad Things. As he could only deal with one Thing at a time, he always tried to ignore the Crazy Thing when it happened.The Worst Father by TheSkaBoss
"Purrrrrleave me alone; I'm working on Goldbach's conjecture." Said the cat.
"Lalalalalala!" Said Helix, with his fingers in his ears.
This freed his hands from stroking Ada Lovelace, which is what she wanted in the first place. As soon as he did so she stepped daintily down off the bed and trotted primly off. Helix immediately got to work erasing the Crazy Thing from his memory.
Dinner that evening was a grim affair, as usual. The curtains stayed closed and the dim light from the dim lights only added to the dank atmosphere by casting disturbing shadows on the walls. The two halves of the family sat on op
Oedipus"I'll give you an easy one to start with; Dog."Oedipus by TheSkaBoss
"Very good. Sea."
"Hrm, yes. Mother."
"I see, and just for argument's sake; Oedipus."
"Interesting. Would you care to elaborate on that?"
"Well, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's perfectly okay to go around killing your father and marrying your mother, but everyone seems to think he knew what he was doing at the time; that it was intentional."
"You mean, he didn't intend to kill anybody?"
"No, I mean he didn't intend to do anything to his parents. He didn't know they were his parents. For God's sake, what do they teach you guys at Psychology School?"
"I believe it would take me longer than the 50 minutes we have left to answer that question. Maybe we should go back to the word association. Father."
"Look, from his point of view, Oedipus went out of his way to avoid harming his parents."
"Hrm. You seem rather intent on defending Oedipus. Tell me, were you close to your mo
The Saturday Spotlight for July 21st, 2012Guidelines | How to Suggest a DLD | Group Administrators | Affiliation | Chatroom | Current Staff OpeningsThe Saturday Spotlight for July 21st, 2012 by DailyLitDeviations
Saturday Spotlight for July 21st, 2012
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A CALL TO ALL LIT GROUP OWNERS Profanity ahead? You betcha!A CALL TO ALL LIT GROUP OWNERS by raspil
You owe it to your members and to the lit community at large to weed out/read the stories and poems you receive. You owe it to your members and the lit community at large to not be just another warehouse storage site for everyone's shitty work. How do you do this? I mean, that would be, like actually taking an active interest in your group. That's hard. I know you have Minecraft and Skyrim to play and every other stupid excuse in the world to not babysit your group -- it's so much easier to auto-accept every piece of scat that comes across your group's inbox! You don't have to do anything!
You are part of the problem why lit quality is so low.
You owe your members more than one asshole who thinks it's alright to submit his horrible fucking angst-ridden emo horseshit to 100+ groups (not an exaggeration). You've s
Things in this picture:|
Me. Dog. Wheelchair. Lots of purple. (Big fat) Book. Coke.
THIS IS EVERYTHING I CARE ABOUT (except boyfriend who is behind the camera)
My Alphabet Soup: EDS III, FMS, POTS, IBS, GERD, LPR, CAWP, AuPD, GAD, MDD, C-PTSD, DID
GreyscaleInsanity is never black and white.
You don't just reach a breaking point and crack,
As if your 'sane' switch flipped from white to black
And madness took you over overnight.
It's more a subtle shifting in your sights
And thoughts that run a little off the track.
At first you plow on through, pick up the slack,
At first you know that something isn't right.
Subconsciously you bury it inside,
Put on a happy mask to face the world.
You act like nothing's wrong, you act alright -
Now 'wrong' is your 'alright'; you never lied.
You find your truth distorted, bent and curled;
To you your greyscaled madness shines pure white.
I Am The GhostI am the ghost that walks these halls,
The noises you hear behind the walls,
The swirls and eddies that chill the air,
The squeaks and creaks upon the stairs.
I am the presence that makes your skin crawl.
I come in the night when the darkness falls.
Black is my colour, and black are my calls,
Black are the shadows I always wear.
I am the ghost.
I am the thoughts you don't want to recall,
The ones you recoil from, shocked and appalled.
I am all of your secret fears and despairs,
Every anxious thought, every burden you bear.
I am the you that scrawls all over these walls -
I am the ghost.
|YES YOU! RIGHT THERE!|
If you're about to leave a comment I KNOW you can see this box! Stop right there and think about what you're doing! If you're about to thank me for something - DON'T.
Don't thank me for a llama, just return the favour.
Don't thank me for a fav or a watch. You're not obligated to return the favour either. But if you really WANT to thank me, I'd much prefer you take the time to read just one thing of mine. You don't have to fave it, you don't have to comment on it, just read it. That's all I ask.
FROM THIS POINT ONWARDS I WILL BE HIDING ALL THANK YOU COMMENTS.